ABOUT GRIEF REVIEW

 ABOUT GRIEF BY MARASCO & SHUFF 

 

About About Grief 

About Grief is a refreshingly matter-of-fact book about an issue that blindsides many people. Written in a warm and conversational style, it covers a wide range of issues facing people in grief. Ron Marasco and Briar Shuff have done the footwork for readers who wish to know more about this complex subject. Using a variety of sources, including books, films, music, and many hours spent talking with people in grief, the author distill their candid insights into a series of short, single-topic essays that can be easily digested in one setting. This is not a clinical treatment, nor a memoir. And it's not a soft-peddling inspirational book. It's a wise, plain-spoken, comforting book about an intimidating topic. 

My Thoughts

The authors show us, through different people's stories and poetry, how grief affects and changes us, but it isn't the same for everyone. We experiment different emotions and have different thoughts, as the examples in this book. 

It helped me understand what happens in a person's brain while they're in grief, and how they feel in every stage. Nevertheless, it also shows the perspective of how people who aren't grieving have to interact with someone who is. It shows the two faces of the encounter; it's awkward, so awkward. For both of them.

Some of the stories are actually touching; loved ones dying due a terminal illness; accidents that nobody could have avoided and wasn't expecting; the terrorist attempt in 11/9 and the PanAm Flight 103. I've been able to know how the loved ones of the people who died handled the situation, how they felt back then, and how are feeling now. 

One of the most interesting things about this book is that they explain the difference between a man in grief, and a woman in grief: because we don't react the same way. When we're grieving, we come back to our roots. As the authors explain caveman/cavewoman way of responding. When tragedy hits, these primal instincts begin to surface. Men start protecting, and woman start caring. 

Among all of this, there're a lot of quotes, prose and poetry written by people who was in grief because their partner, parents or child died. Some of them are really helpful to see the world in a different light. 

Favourite quotes 

"The real marriage of true minds is for any two people to possess a sense of humor or irony pitched in exactly the same key, so that their joy joint glances at any subject cross like interarching lights." By Edith Wharton.

"Sometimes the group wants to be attached at the hip to you, but you just want to be left alone. This need for solitude is a part of grieving; it's not meant to be insulting or unappreciative."

"This seems like such weird thing to do — to turn your back on someone in the depths of suffering and grief just to avoid what might be an uncomfortable few minutes. It doesn't make sense. Awkwardness has something to do with it, but there is a deeper reason why many people avoid the bereft."

"Because the stigma of the grieving person is that he or she is damaged, dark, tragic, and a downer to be around, you may find yourself fighting against being stigmatized. No one likes to be devalued into a set of cliché characteristics, so you may try hard to show the world you are not 'that' by always displaying a mask of pleasant bravery." 

"Scent matters. All sorts of simple, taken-for-granted 'stuff' matters."

"Maybe this realization—that loving the person you lost was worth it, is worth it—maybe this is the place to begin."